Why Guys Get Turned Down to Dance

Bachata Dancing, Culture, Dating, Relationships, Salsa Dancing


Most men don’t really understand why they get turned down to dance and as a result, they end up repeating the same mistakes.  For some guys, the repeated rejection becomes their worst nightmare.  So, let’s look at a few reasons for why men get turned down.


Bad Timing


  • Someone else has already approached them, and you’re just a couple of seconds to late.

  • She may be on her way to the bathroom or leaving for the night when she gets asked.

  • Some girls only dance certain types of Latin dances and you may have just picked the wrong song to ask her. Personally, I’m horrible at Cha Cha and I know that it doesn’t matter who the guy is I am always going to say no.

  • A girl may even need to catch her breath after dancing for too long. If you see a girl sitting down trying to catch her breath, give her a song or two before you go and ask her to dance. 

Related Article: Salsa Dress Code-What to Wear When Salsa Dancing

These are all situations where you have to be conscious of the social cues you’re given. If you see a man leading the girl you want towards the dance floor, it’s kind of obvious she’s not available. Just like in every other situation, you just have to be aware of the signs. Now, most women I know will give you a rain check if any of these things occur so all you have to do is brush it off and go on to the next one.


The Cliques

If you ever go out to the same spots you start to notice that you see the same people. The more you go, the more you realize that everyone has a group of people they solely dance with. Women in these “cliques” feel more comfortable dancing with one of their friends rather than a stranger because they already know the guy’s dancing style. It’s honestly easier for us to stay dancing with the same people than to risk it with someone new but lately I’ve noticed that’s changed. People are making an effort to dance outside of their cliques and mingle with different people. So don’t be afraid to approach someone from a different clique!


You May Just Be Too Good

As silly as it might seem, for those of us who haven’t been dancing for that long, some men are just plain intimidating. When you’re a beginner, dancing with someone that’s intermediate or advanced can be a very scary task. Even as an intermediate there are some men that are so good a girl feels like she won’t be able to keep up! There are also women who are the complete opposite of this; they only dance with men who are better than them, rarely of the same ability and almost never with a beginner.


Creeper Status


old guy in the club

creeper status

Then there are the creeps. Women are usually too kind to admit to this but if all the other reasons don’t resonate to you; it may be because you come off as a sleaze ball. I’m sorry guys but going up to a girl and saying “Hey mami you looking sexy tonight, how ‘bout you give me a lil’ twirl” is straight up creeper status. I wish I was joking but there really are guys out there that think they’ll get a girl’s attention if they make sexual or demeaning comments to her. Inappropriate staring, persistently asking one girl to dance even after she has said no multiple times and being excessively rough with a woman when she doesn’t follow your lead perfectly are all examples of things that are big no no’s.

Keep in mind; if a girl does say yes to dance with you and you put her off with your behavior during that one dance, chances are she won’t want to do it again. Respect will take you a long way. Plus, sometimes something as simple as making sure she doesn’t bump into anyone while you guys are dancing can really make a girl want to dance with you again.


Related Article: Salsa Dancing Etiquette

She Doesn’t Want to Dance

There really are women who go to events without the intention of dancing. Just like there are men who go just to drink and see everyone having a good time, some women go for the same reasons; especially those girls who are new to the atmosphere. You can clearly see who they are because they are usually in a group off to the side doing their own thing. Several of those girls might want to be asked to dance so don’t be put off completely. You can usually tell the difference between someone who wants to be asked to dance and someone who doesn’t by how much eye contact they make with you.


Related Article: How To Handle A Bad Dance Day

4 Simple Steps to Get the Dance

1.  Smile

There is nothing more important than for you to remember to smile! The whole “serious and mysterious” look usually has the opposite effect of what you want. A girl needs to feel a guy is friendly and approachable rather than straight up creepy. So please, Smile!

2.   Take classes

Taking group classes or going to the free classes offered before a salsa event is a great way to not only better your skills and increase your confidence, but…

3. Group classes also…
… help you to meet ladies who will be potential dance partners for social dancing.
4.  Remember to have fun!

If you spend your night having a good time and enjoying yourself, then women will take notice and want to be around your fun loving personality.

Keeping these tips in mind will help you to get more dances and it will help you to accomplish a major reason we all have when we go out to dance….to have fun!


Related Article: Salsa Burnout – Maintain Your Enthusiasm for Salsa Dancing

Talk Back Ear smallTalk Back:  What has been your experience with guys getting turned down to dance.  Others may benefit from your knowledge.   Let us know in the comments below.


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